The movement of the train crossing the tracks and the occasional bumps jolted their bodies closer together. His arm rested across her shoulder. Her head nestled against his chest; she could hear his heartbeat through his soft cotton shirt. With each of his breaths, her body gently rose and fell. As always, he would claim to have been awake the entire train ride, but she recognized the familiar rhythm of his sleeping breath.

It was this comfortable togetherness that she had feared they might never experience again. She reflected on how the anger, the frustration and the resentment had rushed through her for months, even years. Feelings of restlessness, disappointment, and frustration about their relationship—about him, about herself—had emerged one day. Insufficiently and ineffectively addressed, these feelings slowly transformed into an invisible protective overcoat she donned each morning before facing him and took off at night when she was sure he was asleep. Gradually, the coat became something she never removed. It served as a barrier, containing her feelings and distancing her from him.

Their therapist often asked them why they had stayed together. For her, the fear of leaving—of giving up this life and starting anew—was the easy reason why she had stayed. The core, however, was shame—an emotion she was reluctant to admit, both to herself and anyone else. While everyone around her seemed to hold on to their relationship, she feared being the one who failed. How did other couples make it work? After that first contact, surfing the waves of infatuation, navigating the rapids, wading through the shallows, inevitably crashing against the rocks of reality? Yet, after the waves, tapping into the ocean of love and companionship, choosing to stay? From the outside, an accurate analysis was futile, one could never truly know; even close friends often kept their darkest relationship struggles to themselves. Yet, it was evident that some couples succeeded.

If someone walked by now, wouldn’t they see them as an example of how relationships work? Two fifty-somethings travelling together, clearly comfortable in each other’s company.

For the outside observer, it was impossible to see the struggles they had endured—the painful conversations, hostile arguments, and hurtful personal attacks. Yet, once the air was finally cleared, there was space for that initially fragile, but ultimately solidifying feeling of connection and love.

Their therapist suggested they do something they both enjoyed, focusing on creating new memories. They had always loved travelling—escaping their busy lives and tight-knit social circles to spend time together, slowing down and experiencing new countries.

So here they were, surrounded by the breathtaking view of snow-covered mountains and towering trees. The train jolted as it changed tracks, shaking him awake.

He rubbed his hand gently over her upper arm.

“Hmm,” he mumbled, and she felt the warmth of his familiar, heavy grumble resonate through his chest. “It seems I dozed off for a moment.”

She didn’t respond but couldn’t help smiling as he pulled her closer.

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^{Photo by Alix Greenman on Unsplash}